i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
