so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
