I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
