ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
its liver damage thursday
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
