so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
