He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
