I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
