forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
