Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
