im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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