you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
