I hate all girls vehemently.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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