She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
