I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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