So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
