I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Green mimosas i think yes
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
