dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
