Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
