remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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