The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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