I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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