he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
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I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
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Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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