A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
