I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
