do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
