he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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