i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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