im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
