just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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