Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I want to make a zoo with you.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
