no. you can't hotbox the world.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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