Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
