Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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