In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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