What a fucking waste of an outfit
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
