Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
