Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
