I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
