At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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