i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
