And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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