I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
