its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
