I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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