no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
