I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
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