A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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