You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
