I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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