I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
How external is "for external use only"?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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