Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
