I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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