If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Who died my cat blue again?
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