It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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