I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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