the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
