shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
