Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
