You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
