cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
