shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
