Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
