he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
