I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
