6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
