we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
how drunk are you?
Several
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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