The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
