Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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