Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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