im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
