Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
