Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
