he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
