3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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