It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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