im drinking this country out of the recession.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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