she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
