But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
